10yrs ago……

In September 2002, right before the Giants broke my heart, I walked into an operations yard in Hayward, California to see about a job. It was “low man on the totum pole” kind of job for a 23yr old me who’s only other job experience was working at Longs Drugs and being AWESOME. The first year and a half consisted of prepping trailers, delivery tools/furniture, inventory, tool/hose repair and various activities for multi-million dollar construction projects out of the equipment operations yard for S.J. Amoroso (G.C.). The next year and half was a combination of updating yard operation software programs and delivering/picking up tools/supplies. In February 2005 I was approached with an opportunity that would forever change my life. I was being given the chance to work in the field, on-site at a $47m dollar school project at Foothille College. Over the next 2.5 years I worked as a project engineer at the Foothill College Lower Campus Addition. I made great friends, moved into my house and married my best friend in 2006. Fast forward to 2007. Another opportunity came knocking. I received a phone call from P-Rod (Project Executive) within my organization and he informed me that i was being re-assigned to a $27m parking garage in San Jose as the lead Project Manager. WOW!! I couldn’t screw this up! Long story short (too late) that opportunity has streched now to 4 new projects worth a combined $100m (+/-). On September 18th, 2012 I will be standing in close proximity to Major Ed Lee as he and the rest of the San Francisco Supervisors conduct a groundbreaking ceremony on my new project in San Francisco. To think that 10yrs ago today I was at the bottom……a lot can be done if you have the right people behind.

This blog is to thank all those so intrumental in my progress and who have helped get me to where I am today…..

My Mom and Dad: You have no idea what you mean to me….thank you for your committment to me and believing in who/what I could become. You have to admit, I am pretty AWESOME. I am a perfect combination of both….but thank god I look like mom! I love you.

My Wife: It hasn’t been easy but you are my rock……my best friend. I love you with everything that I have. Always. And you too can admit that I am pretty AWESOME! Happy Early Anniversary (9/16/06) 6yrs……like my dad always says “what’s not to love!” I love you.

My Sister: I am so proud of whom you become. Thank you for always believing in me and supporting me (High School, Baseball, College, etc.) A wonderul aunt and genuine good person. Thank you and I love you.

My daughter: Words can’t begin to describe my love for you. You’ve always been a part of me and have taken control of my heart. I was put on this earth for one reason and that was to be your daddy. Continue to shine my little beauty….

My Amoroso Peeps (Former and Current): Thanks for dealing with my shit…..especially P-Rod for being patient and not telling me to “Stop Fucking Writing Letters to Karen!” I’ve learned so much from so many people….and I’m thankful for having the pleasure to be your friend/co-worker.

My Friends (Homegrown and SCU): You’re welcome for meeting me and for having me as a friend. The sooner you realize you “wouldn’t be the person you are today without me” the better off you’ll be.

*Just to clarify…this isn’t an acceptance speech or to be cheesy. I’m just happy with my life, where I’m at and the people I’ve met along the way. I appreciate everyone for leaving a footprint on me and allowing me to be myself. And that (if you didn’t quite get from above) is pretty fricking AWESOME!

To Do List: Dominate another 10yrs. Sweep the Dodgers this Weekend.

Hey, ummm, like, I’ll wash your car’s for like $10?…..I mean $20!

I happen to live in an awesome city situated on the western peninsula of the San Francisco Bay Area. We are within walking distance to an awesome downtown and there are a lot of parks and fields where my beautiful little girl can play. It’s a great city with lot’s of nice people and things to do. I do, however, live next door to “The Neighbor.” Here……we…..go!

To the south of my house live’s “the dog whisperer” and his awesome wife and son. To the east  lives a great family who have a little boy and baby girl. To the west lies “the neighbor.” “The Neighbor (or T.N. for short) lives in the backyard of his parents house. To give you an idea of some of his bullshit I’ve provided a list:

1) My house shares a common area between the adjacent property. Both houses have side access to the common area and it’s where we keep our garbage and recycling cans. Around the first month of T.N’s residency he stopped me in the common area and asked if it would be cool if he took my cans and bottles for recycling. I didn’t care so I said yes. Around a couple weeks later he stops me again and says “Hey, ummmm, can you separate the cans and bottles for me? I don’t like digging down in the can to get them.” To avoid any misunderstanding by saying “Get Fucked” I simply replied with “Totally.” Later that night I moved my recycling can into my garage.

2) It’s not to uncommon for a car to go by our house with a loud stereo system. I don’t mind considering I use to be that shithead with the loud stereo driving thru neighborhoods. The point here is when you are “driving” the sound eventually get’s lower as the car drives further away. T.N. (who is around 47-48yrs old) occasionally sits in his parked car at 8, 9 and 10 o’clock with his system pounding loud enough to shake the windows and wake “SLEEPING BABIES!” It’s one thing to listen to good music but when you’re blasting Whitney Houston’s “I will always love you” it kind of defeats the purpose.

3) Along with the common area between our houses is also a common concrete landing between our driveways. It’s simply a “3rd” driveway in the event parking on the street get’s too congested. I use it alot as my truck can easily jump the curb. T.N. drives a lowered P.O.S. For him to access the 3rd driveway he must use my driveway entrance and then parallel into the spot. The same goes for getting out of the spot. The problem is if I have “my car in my driveway” he can’t get out. One day, as we drove down the street to our house, we noticed T.N.’s car in the 3rd driveway. We parked and I mentioned to him that we weren’t planning on leaving anywhere so if he wanted to get his car out now would be the time. “Nah, I aint going anywhere,” he replied. I then stated, very clearly, “OK because my daughter is going to take a nap and I don’t want anyone knocking on my door, making my dog bark and then waking her up.” “Ohhh, no problem, I aint going anywhere.” We proceeded into the house, put her down and started to relax. But wouldn’t you know it, about 30 minutes later this dumb fuck comes strolling up to my house and knocks on my front door. Dog starts barking and I open the door and he says “Hey, you think you could move your car so I could get out?” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!” I slammed the door, grabbed my keys and went outside. I looked at him and said “Do you remember what we just talked about? About not knocking on my door?” “Yeah, I know, but I need to go to the store and get some drinks.” Welcome to my nightmare.

4) About a year ago there was a knock at my door. Guess who? He goes, “Hey, ummm, like, I’ll wash your car’s for like $10?…I mean $20! Not only did he knock on the door while my daughter was sleeping but he caught me off guard when (before I even uttered a word) he was trying to negotiate! Rather then go on and on about the specifics of this incident I’ll just cut to the chase…..I let him BORROW $20 with him stating “Man, like, ummm, I’ll get you back on FRIDAY when I get my paycheck. I promise!” The Friday I was due my $20 was sometime in June 2011. Each week, during our awkard meetings in the common area, T.N. would promise me my $20. I could give a shit about the $20….so long as he left me and my family alone. I got him back though. I dug down into my recycling and hid a #2 diaper! (If you applied interest to the oustanding balance that jackass owe’s me over $150.00 dollars)

Fuck that guy!

To Do List: Let my cats out at night so they can shit in his yard…..wait….I already do that! (The savings on litter boxes are incredible!)

Teal doesn’t hide sweat too well does it kid?

In the summer of 2002 I graduated from the lovely Santa Clara University. With my friends and family looking on in the 90+ degree heat they called my name and I stumbled up the makeshift ramp to receive what I had worked so hard to obtain. As I was handed my diploma I immediately dropped it! (You know the photo’s they take of you right after you receive your diploma? Well my picture was of me bending over to pick mine up off the ground!) I’m pretty sure it was the lack of sleep and endless supply of rum and cokes I drank the night before that caused the fumble. I walked off stage, sat in my chair and proceeded to fall asleep for the next two hours.

Fast forward to August 2002. After taking a couple of months off I started my job search. My buddy “The Dogshow” worked at Enterprise-Rent-A-Car in Chicago so I figured I’d give that a shot. I needed something to do! I submitted my application and was immediately contacted by some lady for an interview. I had no clothes to wear so I did what any stupid 23 year old does and I went to Hillsdale Mall, walked into STRUCTURE, purchased bright TEAL and RED long sleeve button down shorts and ridiculously tight pants for my interviews. (I’ve never said I had good fashion taste and quite frankly could give two shits) So the day came for my first of what I would find out would be three total interviews. The first was at a branch office in Redwood City. I strolled in, nervous as hell, and spoke to a woman over the counter like I was at a bank. I wore the RED shirt to this interview. She asked me the following questions:

Question:  Why do you feel you’d be a good fit at Enterprise-Rent-A-Car?

Answer: Ummm…….Because I think that I would be a good fit.

Question: Have you ever worked in sales or customer service before?

Answer: Ummmm…..Does a Lemonade Stand Count? J/K. Yes, I worked at Longs Drugs in High School and was terrible at Customer Service but always found a way!!! (Smile…….)

Question: Do you know that the typical work day at enterprise is about 12 hours and usually every other weekend? Would you have a problem committing to those types of hours?

Answer: Totally

Question:What qualities would you bring to Enterprise-Rent-A-Car?

Answer: Geez….there are so many to choose from I can’t decide. Energetic, Honest and Handsome?

Long story short (too late) the interview went on for about 20 minutes to which I was then told to report to another Redwood City Branch for Interview #2. I got into my car, changed from red shirt to teal shirt and drove to the interview. I met with two guys who looked like they had been partying all night (unshaven, disheveled, etc.). The first question I got was from drunk #1 when he said “Teal doesn’t hide sweat too well does it kid?” I didn’t notice but I was sweating like I was in a sauna. The teal shirt was really thin and I might as well been in the shower! The rest of their questions didn’t really matter so much because the whole I was sitting there I was thinking about not sweating which was making me sweat even more. Apparently I said all the right things to these perverts because I was then told to drive to Millbrae and met with some V.P. at their area office. Since I was sweating so bad I changed out of my Teal shirt back into my red shirt and really just transferred sweat. The only thing I remember about the third interview was the guy telling me about his high school glory days playing senior babe ruth in Nevada. I told him we used to crush teams from Nevada. (It’s true…..honesty is a quality of mine you know) The interview ended after about 30 minutes and he showed me a baseball he got during B.P. at a Giants Game. I thought about grabbing it, autographing it with “Avoid the Clap…..Jimmy Duggan” (League of their Own Reference) and walking out but I smiled and said “That’s awesome!” I went on my way never to return to Enterprise-Rent-A-Car ever again! (Thankfully they didn’t hire me…..I’m pretty sure I would have quit after a couple of weeks!)

Things happen for a reason. A higher being told me to wear terrible clothes that day and sweat buckets. I never did wear the teal shirt again because it was terrible. So terrible in fact I vaguely remember the first lady I spoke with saying “Nice Shirt” then laughing out loud. Shithead!

To Do List: Find that lady that laughed at my shirt. Pee on her car.

“You told me I could read a F%$&*%$ Magazine!”

About an hour and a half north of San Francisco lies a little hidden gem called Cashe Creek. I’m sure many of you have heard of this place because of the casino but if you continue up the road, past the casino, you encounter the actual place for which it’s named, Cashe Creek. During the summer you can pay to ride 2 man rafts down from a designated point A to a lower point B. You can take your time rafting down, pull off and have some drinks, go swimming, pee-pee in the water, etc. Along the way you have to navigate over some very minor rapids but it offers enough excitement to get your blood flowing. My wife and I had enjoyed it so much the first time that we told all of our friends in hopes that we could get some people to come back up with us. This is where the story get’s awesome…..

My buddy Cinimod R-Tub and his wife thought the idea of  spending a quiet day paddling in a raft and enjoying the view sounded lovely. Actual conversation had:

Lady R-Tub: “So, like, what do you guys do?”

My Wife: “Ohhh it’s so fun. We get into rafts, paddle down the river and occassionally pull off to eat/relax. You can read a magazine it’s that easy!”

Lady R-Tub: “Well then count us in…”

We eventually got to the launch point, went thru the safety presentation and loaded all our crap onto the 2-man boats and headed off. The R-Tubs were in front us and everything was going great….great until they encountered the first rapid! (The water was very low that year causing the rapids to run quicker over rock landings) They were about 100 yards in front of us when they went down that first rapid. They quickly disappeared down the river as it was steady descent to lower landings. My wife and I finally hit the rapid and began to make our way down….and it was much faster then I remember. Regardless we maneuvered and noticed on our way down an empty raft lodged against rocks on the right bank. We continued down and started looking for the R-Tubs. We didn’t have to look far because they were both in the water, no raft and only one oar. Apparently on their way down the first rapid they hit the rocks, got ejected from the raft and rode the rest of the rapid down on their asses. We got them to shore and the kids up top dislodged their boat and sent it down. After a couple of deep breathes, lady R-Tub screaming “You told me I could read a fucking magazine” and Cinimod R-Tub saying “My glasses are at the bottom of the river, I have one oar and this guy needs a beer!” we were able to continue with the rest of the trip. (I might add that I too broke my glasses when I “David Hasselhoffed” out into the river to rescue Lady R-Tub).

Do you know what it’s like to row a boat with one oar for 3 hours? If you don’t ask Cinimod R-Tub….he did it while his wife read a magazine!”

To Do List: Buy a raft. Blow it up. Go to Stanford Shopping Center and put it in the fountain. Get in it. Scream “These rapids are for pansies.” Paddle. Steal coins from the bottom like I’m Corey Feldman in “The Goonies.” Scream “This was my dream, my wish. I’m taking it back….I’m taking it all back.” Tell security my name is Manny Urteaga. Run

 

I think I broke my thumb….don’t tell mom!

When I was about 10-11 yrs old I was visiting my uncle in Redwood City when he broke out “The Scooter.” It was a foldable scooter that when erect allowed you to place both feet on the board and have the gas and brake about stomach high. The small gas tank/motor was in the back and maybe….maybe went 30mph. I’d ride that little bastard all over the place. Okay maybe not “all over the place” but instead just around the block. Regardless, it was a lot of fun. This brings me to my latest memory blog….”The Scooter and the Gravel!”

My parents use to own a cabin up in Pine Mountain Lake (on the way to Yosemite). Every summer we would take a couple weeks off and go to the cabin. My uncle was kind enough to let me borrow the scooter for a little while so I brough it with me to the cabin. There wasn’t a lot of vehicle traffic and the roads were wide open so I would tack all around the community pissing off the blue hairs with the loud scooter motor. The thing you needed to know about the scooter was it didn’t really have that great of a breaking system…..so if you were coming down a hill you needed to pump the break to stop safely. I knew this cause I rode it all the time. My padre, however, was unfamiliar with the scooter handling but decided to try it anyway. (My stomach hurts cause I’m laughing so hard)

I remember it like it was yesterday. It was around 7pm on a gorgeous summer night. My dad was barbequing, having a couple of pops, and I had finished riding the scooter around the block. He looks at me and says “Let me give it a whirl.” Before I could explain the thing about the breaking system he took off down the hill. He rode around for awhile until the phone rang and it was a call (from my uncle) for my padre. I let him know he had a call and he started to barrel his way back up the hill. As he got closer I could feel him gaining speed. I tried to tell him to slow down but the motor was too loud and he couldn’t hear me. He came flying into the “gravel” driveway going about 15mph, lost control of the front tire, turned the scooter right and slammed into a dirt birm on the side of our property. Without hesitation he popped up quickly and said “I’m alright…..I’m good,” as he walked back to the house like someone kicked him the knees and scraped his face with a rake. The scooter survived the crash just fine. My dad on the other hand was struggling. Like a champ he took the phone call while my mom tried to apply first aid to his face and get the gravel out of his knees. I could see he was favoring his hand a little bit so I asked him, while my mom was getting a new wash towel, if it was alright. He looked at me with that “your mom is going to kill me” look and said “I think I broke my thumb….don’t tell your mom!” Well it was unavoidable, he did break his thumb and we had to drive an hour to see a doctor.

I went with my mom to the hospital, ate a green ham/cheese sandwich out of the vending machine, and heard the doctor say to my dad “how did you get so much gravel in your knees?”……I think his response was “My thumb is backwards Doc, you think you can look at that first!” Eventually we got out of there, my dad got his thumb reset and headed back to the cabin. On the way back I remember asking “So I guess this means we aren’t going to the waterslides tomorrow?” My dad turned around and said “Bullshit…..we’re going!” Like a boss………

I remember being so excited to go to the waterslides that I ran into my parents room in the morning. My dad looked like he got hit by a truck. Scrapes on the face, broken thumb and gravel knees. Like a champ we loaded up and headed to the Manteca Waterslides. They wouldn’t let my dad go down any rides with his cast so he wrapped it with plastic ziplock bags, some rubber bands, and went down all the rides with me with the makeshift waterproof cast. The things a father will do for his kids. A night before the man took a header into a dirt mound, bent his thumb 180 degrees the wrong way but was still hammering the waterslides. You knew he was coming down a ride when you saw his bear paw in the air like he was asking a question (had to keep it raised to minimize water inrtusion).

A classic moment of my childhood!

Box of Wine with a Straw

Back in 1995 I made the very bad mistake of thinking I could function at a High School dance after drinking 2ea Mickey’s 40′s. Not only does malt liquor not sit well with a stomach full of Taco Bell but it isn’t wise to also try and attend a High School dance when you think you’re Long Duck Dong. Long story short I didn’t make it inside, got caught, received a 2 day suspension and had to attend mandatory drug and alcohol classes at Sequioa High School with my mom. What I did didn’t compare with some of the other shitheads in the class. One girl was arrested for having cocaine…another kid for punching a teacher while high on crystal meth. I got drunk, puked on my vice principals shoes and said “must have been the taco bell! The worst part for me was having to go to work at Longs Drugs the next day hungover. I think I used a box of sanitary napkins for a pillow during my lunch break!

Fast forward  to 1996 Homecoming. I volunteered to drive and picked up my buddy Weasel who lived right down the street. I honked my horn a couple of times and he finally appeared…one eye half cocked reaking of something awful. I remember asking him “Have you been drinking wine?”…his response “Yup, box of Franzia with a straw. Drank about 3/4′s of it…ready to be a wallflower!” That’s just the beginning…….

From Weasel’s house we headed up to Hallmark Drive to our friend Fuzz Bumpkin’s house. (Side Note: You know what isn’t much fun…being the sober guy trying to round up 4 sloppy drunks playing “tag, you’re it!”) We got inside and it was readily apparent that everyone decided to get blacked out before heading to this dance! Remember now that weasel drank 3/4′s of a Box of Wine with a Straw. You know it’s going to be a long night when your friend’s are getting running start’s and sliding on hardwood floors into couches. Against my better judgement I rounded everyone up, piled into my car and we barrelled down to the dance. Ohhhh boy……..

To my surprise everyone made it inside the dance without an issue. They were able to maintain themselves long enough to get past security ( Security was a chain smoking dwarf) and were already a step ahead of where I was a year earlier. Weasel, however, was teetering on the brink of collapse. I lost him for a second and eventually found him outside staring at a trash can. By either pure genius or simple luck weasel decided to go to the bathroom while “Let’s hear it for the boy’s” was being played by the DJ (for some reason everyone went apeshit when that song came on). Security and the teacher’s were so focused on the mob of kids that they missed weasel spraying the dance floor with Franzia. (The key here was to keep moving….stopping only drew attention) Once we made it to the bathroom Weasel ate a box altoids, splashed water on his face and walked out like a champ. Thinking we were in the clear we started towards the exit when we were stopped by security and brought into a side room. We were questioned by some lady and asked if “we knew of any underage drinking going on at the dance?” (Good thing it was a little dark because I was holding Weasel’s belt keeping him from falling over, he looked like Casper the Ghost and smelled like boxed wine aftershave). When she asked that question I felt like time stood still…..

1 What was the right answer? 

2)Was this a trick question and she knows weasel is hammered? 

3)Do we make a run for it?

Just before we were going to answer, almost heaven sent, a call came over the radio that a fight broke out on the outside patio. All the security left and we quietly scurried out to the parking lot and hightailed it home!  (If you read this blog, attended that dance and thought you slipped on water………..better think again!)

To Do List: Find the picture of  “hungover weasel” the day after. Post online. Wait for his call. Laugh.

The General: SHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Have you ever seen the movie “The Skulls?” The Skulls are a secret fraternity founded on the east coast at the turn of the century (I believe at Yale or Harvard) whose members include ex-presidents, congressman, bankers, etc. (Some choose to use the term liars, frauds, cheats, assholes, etc.). I myself am not a Skull but I am one of the founding fathers of a secret organization called Stealth Inc. What is Stealth Inc. you ask? Why I thought you would never ask…as follows:

Stealth Inc. was founded in 2000 by a group of young men at Santa Clara University who decided that their ridiculous exploits, humor and debauchery needed some organization. Think of it as a small “Fight Club” except there was no fighting, no Tyler Durden and we weren’t in the business of expanding.  Let me introduce you to one of our our founding members:

The General: Specializing in smoke screens and confusion, The General is one of the funniest people I have ever met in my life. Have you ever heard stories of people going to weddings or a dance with one person and leaving with another? Well The General just so happens to be the guy who rolls solo and leaves with the other guys date. Known for terms such as “SHHHHHH”…..”I have weights in the morning so I think you should leave!”… “Hey Mandley, you going to Benson?”…and “you can pet a cat, you can pet a dog but you can’t PETALUMA!”

One summer evening back in 2001 I called the General to see how we was doing. He answered the phone and all I heard was the following:

General: “Hold on a second dale…I’m in centerfield!”

Dale: “What?”

General: (Ruffled running)….I got it….I got it…..(Ball hit’s glove)….

General: “Sorry man, guy hit a screamer right at me. What’s up?”

Dale: “You playing a game?”

General: “Yeah, no big deal, we’re tattooing their faces off….I can talk!”

*Who answers his phone, while playing centerfield, in a baseball game? The General does!

*Who sits in a cafeteria, stands up and screams “PENIS” then points at some TURD and says “You should be ashamed of yourself!”…The General does!

*Who buys drinks for everyone and tells the bartender to put it on some other assholes card? The General does!

*Who has the “going out at night” name of Todd Chesnos? The General does!

*Who get’s the hit and run sign in a game, hit’s a homerun and tell’s the coach “a ball over the fence moves the runner too coach!” The General does!

*Who purposely falls down at a restaurant, uses a strangers leg to help himself up then pet’s the man’s face and say’s “you’re a heaven sent Angel!” The General does!

FYI….The General is just the beginning!

(And back my popular demand) To Do List: Get my assigned seat on an airplane. Sit down. Wait until just before take off and scream “PENIS!” Blame the guy next to me!